just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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