honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
