I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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