God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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