Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
