I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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