there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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