dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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