We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
