Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
