So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
