on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
