I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
