I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
