What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
