Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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