This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
