If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
