I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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