I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
