At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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