my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
