can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
