When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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