Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
