I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
