Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
