I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
