to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
