brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
