I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
