He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
