No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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