i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
