he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
