I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
