Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
