Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
