Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
