Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
