i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
