ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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