guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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