Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
