A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
