dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
