Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
