We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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