yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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