pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
