He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
