So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
