Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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