I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
