When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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